remember my namee.

all i need right now is some inspiration. i've realized that inspiration keeps me going. and that i've been lacking it lately. all i can do is dig deep into music. some artists just know how to say things. and they can say them because they know. not because the music was written for them and because they think 'maybe by saying this, this song will be a hit!' they say it because they feel it. and when the singer feels it, and sings it, you can feel it.

i wish i could sing. i wish i played an instrument. i could dive into music so much more than i do now. maybe i could start again.

i love when you hear a song, and they'll say a lyric that makes you tilt your head. ones that make you mull the sentence over again and smile and go 'omg yeah! thats cool!' ive found an artist recently that makes me do that. that makes me think i CAN do things. when people look at me and my dreams and give me that look like they've already seen me fail, this artist just makes me feel like they cant stop me. those people cant stop me and they WONT stop me.

i wanna paint. i just want to see colors and let them say what i'm feeling. i want to have something happen that gives me inspiration to never hold anything back ever again. i've been slowly progressing to that stage. i just need something to happen that opens my eyes. that smacks me in the face. that gives me even more fight than i have now.

i've reached this undeniable cross roads. for awhile there, i was just cruisin. letting things happen because i didnt know where to go next and i knew things were changing, so i was just going to go along with them. and its weird because...now i see things changing. i'm aware of their change as they are changing. and i want them to change, and i'm letting them. but now...i want to fuel them. i want to add some change of my own. instead of just letting my life take a course and going for the ride, i've started wanting to take an active part in it all. i want control now.

i dont know. theres just so much on my mind. as usual, but idk. its different. its hard. i dont know what to do.

peace&love.
regina.
<3